so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
