I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Randomize
