I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I just found a bag of teeth...
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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