so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
