1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
