Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I need a beard to bite.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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