Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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