You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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