the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Randomize
