i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize