You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Randomize
