He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
