I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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