no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
