i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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