talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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