I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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