yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
