I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
