I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
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