Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
