nut hugger
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
