New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
