i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
