Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Randomize
