dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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