Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
