Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize
