That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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