Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
