i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
