I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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