so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
two words: eviction party
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
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