Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
