yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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