he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
