Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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