And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Randomize