I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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