Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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