i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
