Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
