you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
