2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
