i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
