MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I lost the right to judge tonight
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I deserve this hangover.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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