i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
