Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
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