Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Boobs speak an international language.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
