I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Drunk is a universal language darling
This toilet bowl is my home.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
