are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
