JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
