how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
