I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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