It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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