If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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