Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
At least life still wants to fuck me.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
