I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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