My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
