I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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