i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
