some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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