So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
you win again, gameday.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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