guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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