Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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