You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I would fuck him just for his dog
Randomize
