Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
