Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I'm like, not good at living.
Randomize
