He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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