Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Randomize
