I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize
