Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I just gift wrapped bread.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
These tits shall not be calmed
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
