Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
