Umm I'm too high to move.
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
