Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
