highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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