Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize