Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
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