I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
