He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
