i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
