dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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